Philip Wayne Salter July 25, 1935-November 17, 2021 May you eternally rest in peace
By Keith C. Milne
I’ll never forget the day that I met Phil Salter, as he liked to be called. I was just a kid, and little did I know when I met him that he would end up becoming one of the most influential people in my life.
He was jogging along the beach, right at the water’s edge along the shoreline just south of East Beach in Santa Barbara, CA, late one afternoon. He was amazing! Good height, tan, 1000 watt smile, firm handshake, athletic build, super happy, positive, gregarious as all heck.
Philip Wayne Salter was my “father” for a decade. I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful for his day-in and day-out guidance. Living with him provided me with direct mentoring on how to be a GOOD MAN in the world, and what that really means.
With Phil, the basics mattered! Simple things like delivering on your word, being on time, dressing properly for the occasion, showing respect to those who were your superiors, using proper etiquette were all on that list, and that’s just a small segment of the full list. Ultimately, what Phil managed to reveal to me about living with or getting past the rigidity of rules that I always railed against, was that by practicing discipline and following basic rules, learning to live by rules and understand their value would eventually become a habit and a way of living that would serve me well over the course of my life. I have never forgotten any of his lessons or his living example. He was absolutely correct regarding rules, discipline, and virtually everything else he bestowed or tried to bestow upon me while he was my mentor and teacher and guide.
Phil only occasionally spoke or verbalized much of what he taught me directly, but being around someone as organized as he was, as energetic and positive as he was, and watching his activities, were a constant example for me, and I was paying attention.
Phil essentially showed me that through simple discipline in one’s life, you can minimize the effort needed to get through life no matter which path you might choose to be on at any given point in time. In a manner similar to learning how to drive, which initially requires much cognitive processing and mindfulness, eventually takes no mental effort that the driver is really aware of any longer.
More than that, Phil was a shining example of sociability. I went with him on a couple of his sales trips that required an overnight, because his territory, get this, was . . . ALL OF NORTHERN CALIFORNIA, and I was in awe at how he handled himself when he walked into a doctor’s office with an appointment for a sales visit, starting with the administrative staff up front. Warm greetings to all! Firm handshake, direct eye contact, friendly and cordial greeting, professionally dressed, completely prepared and ready to go! He won sales contest after sales contest selling orthodontic equipment for ORMCO Corp. He was simply amazing at sales and loved doing it.
I’ll never forget the time Phil took first place in a sales contest and won a trip for two to Europe. He and my mother flew over to Europe and toured several countries including France, Italy, Switzerland, Germany, and Austria. Phil had told me about the time difference and that was my first real exposure to that phenomenon, and I remember laying in bed at night imagining what they must be doing or planning to do while I slept. What struck me the most though, was that when they left the U.S., they were a non-coffee drinking couple, but came back drinking coffee and wanting to continue drinking coffee everyday. Phil, in particular, became a bit of a coffee snob for awhile. He bought a French press and used it every morning until the first auto-drip coffee makers came out, then he bought one of those. I remember overhearing him tell a neighbor shortly after getting back “did you know that ‘they’ve’ discovered that the brewing time for a perfectly balanced cup of coffee is exactly seven minutes?”
Phil was quite the athlete when he was in my life. Before we moved to Goleta, and ultimately to Concord, in northern CA, from Santa Barbara, Phil was on a Santa Barbara City League Softball Team. I used to love going over to the ball field down by the marina to watch him play second base. Phil really helped me to get my baseball skills honed once we moved to Concord in Northern California, and I was in little league there for a while.
Phil taught me how to snow ski, play tennis, golf, repair my own bicycle, earn my own way. He encouraged me to shine shoes in my neighborhood for $0.25/pair when I was in fifth grade, and to have a paper route delivering the Oakland Tribune to 92 customers on a super sturdy heavy duty framed bicycle with a massive rack on it that Phil custom built for me as a surprise birthday gift when I was in sixth grade! He knew I wanted to have a paper route. The bike was perfect for doing that. I could even get all 92 SUNDAY papers into two sacks, one over my back, which I delivered first, with the bulk of them on the sacks tied to that beefy rack. I’ve never seen a better bike and rack system since then for delivering papers.
Phil also always encouraged my musical aspirations and bought me my first snare drum. Later, when he saw how I was diligently saving to buy my own drum set, specifically, a double-tom, Ludwig set with Ziljian cymbals, he went down to Brown’s Music Store where I had put that set on layaway, and finished paying for it after having learned that I had already paid for half of the cost. He did this while I was away on a hiking trip, and the drum set was waiting for me in my room when I returned home. He let me set that kit up on the front lawn, in the garage, in the backyard, pretty much anywhere I wanted to and let me just wail away on that set. He never once told me to knock it off or stop it. He always loved seeing me having such an intensely good time. I was so grateful to him for doing that.
Phil taught me how to properly dress up for special occasions, and part of that was teaching me how to tie both single and double Windsor tie knots, which I can still do effortlessly, even if a considerable time period has elapsed since tying one. When I do put on a tie, I ALWAYS flash back to those days living on Chestnut Court in Concord, California with Phil behind me, tying the knot slowly so I could watch in the big mirror, then untying it and having me doing it directly afterwards, with him there to guide and correct me as needed.
Phil was always very open and honest and candid with me and my sisters about sex, birth control, and what gentlemen do and don’t do regarding issues around topics of a sexual nature. I was always very grateful for how he was about that. Because of his openness about it, I always felt comfortable going to him with questions that came up here and there and he was always very kind, and very informative. And it prevented me from making potentially many mistakes that may even have changed the course of my life.
I always admired how Phil would want to celebrate the end of a hard week or day by asking “Who’s up for a banana split?” Of course I would always be in the affirmative, and Phil seemed to love to have ANY EXCUSE to go into the kitchen to make banana splits. Phil really knew how to make a full-on banana split. This man kept a whole cabinet and a special section in the fridge for all the different toppings and add-ons for just such an occasion. His banana splits were simply THE BEST!! It was so obvious to me as I grew older how much Phil truly enjoyed going into the kitchen and making banana splits for everyone, complete with perfectly ripe bananas, virtually any topping and/or add-on imaginable, and whipped cream, nuts, a cherry or two or three, and sprinkles of all types, sometimes making comments in the kitchen like, “Oh, I think you guys are really going to like these splits! Wait till you see these, guys . . . oh, you’re gonna love these.” and then he would bring them to us wide-eyed, like a kid at Christmas, filled with the joy of creation and the joy of giving. He loved making them more than eating them. I loved that about him and enjoyed that about him and have missed that with him many times over the years, and will continue to miss it, but I will never forget it.
Phil was not a violent man, but did have a precise sense of what was right and wrong, just as I have my whole adult life. He did not like to have to witness injustice, or someone being wronged in front of him. One time he took us all to the stock car races in Stockton CA and we were all sitting in the stands watching the race and this one guy a few rows up kept F bombing and cursing and Phil took issue with it. He stood up and turned and looked at the guy and said, “Hey, clean it up buddy, there are women and children here.” Well, that shut the guy up for about 30 seconds and then he started up again in earnest. Phil told him to shut it or he would shut it for him. The guy dared him, and damn if he didn’t slam his hot dog down on the bench and practically leap up there in two seconds flat, grabbed the guy by his shirt, and was just about to punch him when the guy fell backwards over the bench behind him and Phil didn’t have to. He shouted at the guy, “There! Serves you right!” and then came back down to our seats and picked his dog back up and acted like nothing was up! Later, on the drive home, he apologized and said that he was sorry that we had to witness his inappropriate behavior.
Phil and I did have our troubles at times, especially once I got to become a driver and had raging testosterone coursing through my veins, but we always worked things out and in the end I was left with a deep respect for him that has only grown deeper over the years, despite us losing touch for over 30 years! As I finished becoming a man and maturing, then went out into the world to forge my own way, his examples, his legacy for me has been a lasting one. I am so grateful that I finally had a chance to share much of what I have just shared here with you, with him a few years ago at Phil Salter Jr’s wedding in Connecticut. I was able to speak with him privately and tell him how much his teachings, his caring, his support, his living example had ultimately come to mean for me, and how grateful I am for all of what he gave me, and my Mother, and my other siblings while he was in our lives doing the best he could. And boy did he deliver!
Philip Wayne Salter, you will be kept alive and be loved and remain in the hearts of all those who knew you for as long as they live! You, Sir, were an amazing individual, and I will never forget you. Thank you for all that you gave to me and all you gave to the world. I will love you eternally!